I haven't written much anywhere lately because, quite frankly, I've been a bit freaked out. I've had to spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to navigate a situation that is leaving me second-guessing absolutely every step I take.
I'm not going to go into too much detail about the specifics of the situation except to say it involves my son and his father and things getting out of hand.
My gut reaction is to "rescue" my son and to take a rusty saw blade to his father's anatomy.
But I can't live in gut reaction, even though I want to so very badly.
The rescue.....I've been going back and forth on this one, beating myself up, second-guessing my second guesses (third/fourth guessing?) A part of me realizes that the kid has to learn how to deal with some things on his own.....can't hide behind mom forever. But, an equally loud part of me says "he's a kid. Be the adult. Intervene."
And intervene, I have, but not quite as voraciously as I am tempted to do. Intervening must be done cautiously when one is dealing with a master manipulator. While I am tempted to go 'balls to the wall', and yank the kid out of there, I'm also keenly aware that Mr. Wonderful has ego issues. These ego issues generally result in him punishing the kid unfairly because of me and then twisting it up and blaming the kid (and the kid has enough guilt and angst to last to college). But, unless I can get my son away from his father completely (which, I know I can't....and perhaps even shouldn't since a kid needs his dad) then I have to be very careful in how I proceed.
SO I'm tripping the light fantastic on this very fine line of "Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much?". I hate every second of it.
And no matter what I do, I'll always think I should've done more or maybe done less or at least done differently. (and the manipulator knows how to work that against me, that bastard shitface fuckwit).
Nothing about this is straightforward. I just hope, beyond all hope, that I don't break the kid.
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