I haven't written much anywhere lately because, quite frankly, I've been a bit freaked out. I've had to spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to navigate a situation that is leaving me second-guessing absolutely every step I take.
I'm not going to go into too much detail about the specifics of the situation except to say it involves my son and his father and things getting out of hand.
My gut reaction is to "rescue" my son and to take a rusty saw blade to his father's anatomy.
But I can't live in gut reaction, even though I want to so very badly.
The rescue.....I've been going back and forth on this one, beating myself up, second-guessing my second guesses (third/fourth guessing?) A part of me realizes that the kid has to learn how to deal with some things on his own.....can't hide behind mom forever. But, an equally loud part of me says "he's a kid. Be the adult. Intervene."
And intervene, I have, but not quite as voraciously as I am tempted to do. Intervening must be done cautiously when one is dealing with a master manipulator. While I am tempted to go 'balls to the wall', and yank the kid out of there, I'm also keenly aware that Mr. Wonderful has ego issues. These ego issues generally result in him punishing the kid unfairly because of me and then twisting it up and blaming the kid (and the kid has enough guilt and angst to last to college). But, unless I can get my son away from his father completely (which, I know I can't....and perhaps even shouldn't since a kid needs his dad) then I have to be very careful in how I proceed.
SO I'm tripping the light fantastic on this very fine line of "Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much?". I hate every second of it.
And no matter what I do, I'll always think I should've done more or maybe done less or at least done differently. (and the manipulator knows how to work that against me, that bastard shitface fuckwit).
Nothing about this is straightforward. I just hope, beyond all hope, that I don't break the kid.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
What we do here.
Work.
They don't call it work because it's fun. If it was fun, they'd say "have a nice day at fun today."
No.. Not fun. Work.
Now I'm not saying work can't be fun. I'm also not saying work isn't rewarding.
But honestly, take an inventory. If you had enough money to live comfortably so that you didn't have to do whatever thing it is you do to earn a paycheck, would you still do the work?
If the answer is yes, stop reading now. We congratulate you on your fabulous life and wish you all the best
If the answer is no, read on fellow traveler.
I fall in the "no" camp.
I wouldn't do what I do if there was no paycheck attached. It's not that this is some sort of slave labor. Far from it. It's not that my health is endangered or I feel
So what is it we do here?
Well....it's this. We, me and my people, we see how things are done.
We think, "gee, that's taking the long way home. I think I can figure a way to do it better. Be more efficient. "
Sometimes, that involves technology.
We, me and my people, are middle men. We hear what the business needs and we work with hard core technicians to make magic in that box on the flow chart that I like to call ATAMO (and than a miracle occurred).
And for me, the reward in this process, aside from the paycheck, is knowing that I automated the dotting of the I or the crossing of the T....or perhaps no automation but just getting rid of superfluous steps, consolidating efforts, what have you.
Knowing that I made it better......that's my reward. I don't want sparkly certificates or accolades. however, you want to bump up the numbers on my annual income? Gladly, I'll accept it.
I'm not a glory-monger. Never have been.
And I'm not a PR chick.
The whole title of this blog is "flying below radar".....I work that way too. I'll make your life easier, you just leave me alone and let me do it.
But it seems in corporate-land, unless you're willing to shout your accomplishments from the tallest tower and polish up some glossy powerpoint presentations for executives, you haven't done your job.
I.
Hate.
That.
Garbage.
And it is indeed garbage. It didn't get anything done except make some manager feel better. Sure, i can whip up some charts and graphs and B.S. statistics about what we've done and make it sound like we've built hoover dam when it in truth it was more like a beaver dam. And when we build Hoover dam and nobody notices except for those in the trenches, well that's just fine with me because the trench-dwellers and I know that their job is now easier.
I detest horse and pony shows. I'm here to actually raise the animal, not pose for pictures.
SO, I'm hoping that in the coming weeks, all of this nonsense attention crap that has everyone falling over themselves will just ....evaporate....so that i can get back to doing what I do.
They don't call it work because it's fun. If it was fun, they'd say "have a nice day at fun today."
No.. Not fun. Work.
Now I'm not saying work can't be fun. I'm also not saying work isn't rewarding.
But honestly, take an inventory. If you had enough money to live comfortably so that you didn't have to do whatever thing it is you do to earn a paycheck, would you still do the work?
If the answer is yes, stop reading now. We congratulate you on your fabulous life and wish you all the best
If the answer is no, read on fellow traveler.
I fall in the "no" camp.
I wouldn't do what I do if there was no paycheck attached. It's not that this is some sort of slave labor. Far from it. It's not that my health is endangered or I feel
So what is it we do here?
Well....it's this. We, me and my people, we see how things are done.
We think, "gee, that's taking the long way home. I think I can figure a way to do it better. Be more efficient. "
Sometimes, that involves technology.
We, me and my people, are middle men. We hear what the business needs and we work with hard core technicians to make magic in that box on the flow chart that I like to call ATAMO (and than a miracle occurred).
And for me, the reward in this process, aside from the paycheck, is knowing that I automated the dotting of the I or the crossing of the T....or perhaps no automation but just getting rid of superfluous steps, consolidating efforts, what have you.
Knowing that I made it better......that's my reward. I don't want sparkly certificates or accolades. however, you want to bump up the numbers on my annual income? Gladly, I'll accept it.
I'm not a glory-monger. Never have been.
And I'm not a PR chick.
The whole title of this blog is "flying below radar".....I work that way too. I'll make your life easier, you just leave me alone and let me do it.
But it seems in corporate-land, unless you're willing to shout your accomplishments from the tallest tower and polish up some glossy powerpoint presentations for executives, you haven't done your job.
I.
Hate.
That.
Garbage.
And it is indeed garbage. It didn't get anything done except make some manager feel better. Sure, i can whip up some charts and graphs and B.S. statistics about what we've done and make it sound like we've built hoover dam when it in truth it was more like a beaver dam. And when we build Hoover dam and nobody notices except for those in the trenches, well that's just fine with me because the trench-dwellers and I know that their job is now easier.
I detest horse and pony shows. I'm here to actually raise the animal, not pose for pictures.
SO, I'm hoping that in the coming weeks, all of this nonsense attention crap that has everyone falling over themselves will just ....evaporate....so that i can get back to doing what I do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)